A More Honest Story

As we drain the last drops from our cups and reach again for the bottle of wine, we hear your souls whisper, “But I’m afraid this might change everything for me if I actually started telling a more honest story.” - The Parsons 

I just spent 4 days in the BWCA (Minnesota's protected wilderness area) with 8 close girlfriends; canoeing, portaging, being chilled by the rain, drinking dirt-filled coffee, skinny dipping, filling time with long conversations, stretching up into the morning sky, taking naps in the sun, and deeply filling my lungs. 

It was the kind of trip that makes you notice your heart is pumping blood through your body, that you so exquisitely exist.  That your sore muscles are reminders that you are healthy and hold a strength you forgot.  Where a dip in the lake is washing off more then the dirt that has settled on your skin.  

I think most of us carry a weight with us, a mask of sorts.  Settling in to a version of ourselves that is watered down and gentle.  But I am always pushing for my photography to be more then that, to dig deeper for the truth.  It makes sense to start here, with my own honest story.  

I have now for almost two years done a weekly photo project, documenting about 1 image a week, but it was beginning to fade and feel shallow.  So to re-introduce a way of personal documenting I have found some help.  Starting next month a group of photographers and myself will be documenting 10 images on the 10th day of each month, from 1 day the previous month.  The premise, to be storytellers of the miraculous intimate world around each of us, and to gathering these stories together.   

So here is my first 10-on-10 (even though I am sharing WAY more then 10 images and it is on the 11th, but just give me a bit of grace).  A trip that reaffirmed my belief in gathering together with soulful women and the restorative power of nature.  

Let's Tell Real Stories

The bed was unmade, my face make-up less, I had fallen asleep in an old tie-dyed shirt of his.  We only had a few quick quiet moments before we both had to start getting ready for the day.  Yet still, I let go of control, forgot about making the perfect family portrait, and simply put the camera in his hands.  Right away I could feel these images carried something special, something so honest that it felt like a little piece of my heart.  There was something that told me "This.  This will be important."  

Often I hear married couples or parents say, "oh those days before kids!  I can only faintly remember the people we were,"  or "everything changes as you get older".   And most certainly they are hitting on something there.  As we become parents our roles change.  We trade them in our old titles for the honor of being a Mother or Father.   A truly beautiful turning point where your focus changes to complete unconditional love and care of another, the ultimate act of service. 

My beautiful Grandma, who passed away recently, wore the badges of Mother, Grandmother, Great Grandmother with grace and pride.  Certainly she loved her family deeply.  But as we went to visit her in hospice, what she wanted to talk about was those love filled days when she first met Donald.   I have heard these stories many times.  My grandfather died when I was young, so from her stories I can perfectly picture this young handsome army man who came in and swept her off her feet.  But my grandma on the other hand, I could only ever picture her in her current role, Grandmother.  

After her passing I was able to collect some old images.  I can't even begin to explain the blessings these images carry.  I have always believed that moments can be filled with something sacred, something divine.  Yet I always found these moments to be only ours to hold.  But as I stared at this picture of my grandma and grandpa in the messy first five minutes of their day I was connecting to a woman I had known my whole life in an entirely new way.  

So LETS TELL REAL STORIES.  Not only because they matter now, but for future generations.  These stories become our artifacts, the fragments we leave behind for those we love.  The truth outshines every single imperfection.  

I was inspired to get in front of the camera in the first five minutes in Michelle Gardella's define school course, Family Tapestry.   Even if you are not a photographer I highly recommend it if you are looking for a way to inspire an open, honest, creative environment in your home. 

Flowers In Her Hair || Karisa

Every time I am about to share a post on facebook I get nervous.  Feeds filled with news stories and tragedies, bullying comment strings  mixed in with highlight reels of achievements and posts about where people are eating lunch today...  

Facebook has become a place of tension for me more than anything.  I don't hate social media, its not its fault that it creates a global stage to share the signs of brokenness in the world (and a  stage to share the ugliness is certainly the perfect motivation to roll up your sleeves and do some work).  But how do I authentically play in that space?  What is my contribution.  

The irony isn't lost on me as I post my beautiful friends, my lovely apartment.  Lets be honest, even if I showed a picture of my dirty dishes, you all know I would edit that in black and white, professionally polish, and get weirdly emotional about how its the fragments of a dinner shared.  (Seriously though, I might as well create a post called the bottoms of coffee cups, because I would have enough pictures on supply).  

So how to reconcile that?  How do I take this voice that is an unearned and simply born privilege to be heard, and produce something?   What value does it bring to post another beautiful friend of mine playing with flowers in her hair?  And then I remember what we are all truly striving for as we hit post on our facebook pages.  CONNECTION.  The re-assurance that someone hears you.  And when we lash out in ugliness, isn't it for the same reasons?  We are hurt or feeling insecure, so we talk about someone else's shortcomings.  

One of my favorite parts of these sessions, is the atmosphere they create.  Certainly every girl who sits in front of my camera is filled with insecurities and nervousness, but as she decorates herself with flowers is given a free pass to just feel beautiful, and whole, to allow a moment of simply pure silly joy.  

My favorite posts on social media come from finding a voice that speaks to me in the crowd.  That lays out a truth that I needed to hear.  A little light in the fog.  So I continue to keep sharing these portraits, because right now this is where I am finding my light, and maybe, just maybe they spark something in someone else as well.