Let's Tell Real Stories

The bed was unmade, my face make-up less, I had fallen asleep in an old tie-dyed shirt of his.  We only had a few quick quiet moments before we both had to start getting ready for the day.  Yet still, I let go of control, forgot about making the perfect family portrait, and simply put the camera in his hands.  Right away I could feel these images carried something special, something so honest that it felt like a little piece of my heart.  There was something that told me "This.  This will be important."  

Often I hear married couples or parents say, "oh those days before kids!  I can only faintly remember the people we were,"  or "everything changes as you get older".   And most certainly they are hitting on something there.  As we become parents our roles change.  We trade them in our old titles for the honor of being a Mother or Father.   A truly beautiful turning point where your focus changes to complete unconditional love and care of another, the ultimate act of service. 

My beautiful Grandma, who passed away recently, wore the badges of Mother, Grandmother, Great Grandmother with grace and pride.  Certainly she loved her family deeply.  But as we went to visit her in hospice, what she wanted to talk about was those love filled days when she first met Donald.   I have heard these stories many times.  My grandfather died when I was young, so from her stories I can perfectly picture this young handsome army man who came in and swept her off her feet.  But my grandma on the other hand, I could only ever picture her in her current role, Grandmother.  

After her passing I was able to collect some old images.  I can't even begin to explain the blessings these images carry.  I have always believed that moments can be filled with something sacred, something divine.  Yet I always found these moments to be only ours to hold.  But as I stared at this picture of my grandma and grandpa in the messy first five minutes of their day I was connecting to a woman I had known my whole life in an entirely new way.  

So LETS TELL REAL STORIES.  Not only because they matter now, but for future generations.  These stories become our artifacts, the fragments we leave behind for those we love.  The truth outshines every single imperfection.  

I was inspired to get in front of the camera in the first five minutes in Michelle Gardella's define school course, Family Tapestry.   Even if you are not a photographer I highly recommend it if you are looking for a way to inspire an open, honest, creative environment in your home. 

Heart

"You put your hand on your heart and feel it beating and decide if what you wrote feels true."  - Amy Poehler, Yes Please

Recently, I changed the ABOUT section of my website.

Because I realized something.  

I was trying to convince each of you that I am the right photographer for you, and you should hire me to make pretty pictures right away!  But the reality is, I may not be right for you.  I may be too emotional, I may want to be too close.  Maybe my images capture too much of what is imperfect and personal, like those wriggles you have on the corner of your eyes as you smile, or the way your chin looks when you throw your head back to laugh.  Maybe you don't want to be bothered with all of that.  You just want to pose, and look pretty, and call it good.  I get it.  As soon as I am in front of a camera I am immediately aware, and "acting natural" seems impossible to do.  

But at the end of the day, this is what I am pulled to create.  To me, the imperfect details are what makes life real, and beautiful and good.   I want to place  my hand on my heart and see if what I created feels true. 

I was recently reminded of this fact when I came across my very first critiqued photo assignment (over six years old).  As I brushed off the dust and looked at these images I realized something. 

First, I have always been fearless.  I was in Photography 101, and while everyone else was turning in pictures of bowls of fruit, for my first assignment I turned in nude portraits!  

But even more so, these photos are a reminder.  That before I ever thought of doing wedding photography, before I had taken a bunch of classes, when I simply wanted to be creating photographs and there was no one I was comparing myself to, this is what I felt called to create.  I wanted to get in close and capture something honest, and emotional, and true. 

I love that these images still speak to what I want to create today.  I don't want a bunch of studio lights, or to force people into unnatural poses.  I simply want to provide SPACE.  To be fully present.  To breath, and pause, and take it all in.  To live WHOLEHEARTEDLY.  

And then to have that moment, that slice of your real life, to hold onto.  

So that, you too, can have something to dust off, re-live, and still feel that it is so beautifully and authentically you.  

This is me, and this is what I have to give. 

Facing Fears

I certainly didn't think I would be posting this photo on the blog for the world to see; a photography challenge from a class I just completed in which we were asked to capture a portrait of our deepest fears.  But I set out to capture a weekly image and there is no doubt that facing my fears was a continuous theme of the last week. It is not all pretty.  Some weeks you need a good cry, sometimes you have to dig up all the big stuff, sometimes you have to curl up and think about all of it and feel that heavy weight on your chest.  But I leave full of gratitude for the challenge, because even though it was hard, giving myself permission to wrestle with my fears and dreams gave me the strength to be honest with myself about what it is that drives me, and what changes are ahead.

"In the end, we all have to make our own way down the long, rewarding path toward hard-earned individuality, with all of its flaws."  - David Coggins, Kinfolk Mag