Every time I am about to share a post on facebook I get nervous. Feeds filled with news stories and tragedies, bullying comment strings mixed in with highlight reels of achievements and posts about where people are eating lunch today...
Facebook has become a place of tension for me more than anything. I don't hate social media, its not its fault that it creates a global stage to share the signs of brokenness in the world (and a stage to share the ugliness is certainly the perfect motivation to roll up your sleeves and do some work). But how do I authentically play in that space? What is my contribution.
The irony isn't lost on me as I post my beautiful friends, my lovely apartment. Lets be honest, even if I showed a picture of my dirty dishes, you all know I would edit that in black and white, professionally polish, and get weirdly emotional about how its the fragments of a dinner shared. (Seriously though, I might as well create a post called the bottoms of coffee cups, because I would have enough pictures on supply).
So how to reconcile that? How do I take this voice that is an unearned and simply born privilege to be heard, and produce something? What value does it bring to post another beautiful friend of mine playing with flowers in her hair? And then I remember what we are all truly striving for as we hit post on our facebook pages. CONNECTION. The re-assurance that someone hears you. And when we lash out in ugliness, isn't it for the same reasons? We are hurt or feeling insecure, so we talk about someone else's shortcomings.
One of my favorite parts of these sessions, is the atmosphere they create. Certainly every girl who sits in front of my camera is filled with insecurities and nervousness, but as she decorates herself with flowers is given a free pass to just feel beautiful, and whole, to allow a moment of simply pure silly joy.
My favorite posts on social media come from finding a voice that speaks to me in the crowd. That lays out a truth that I needed to hear. A little light in the fog. So I continue to keep sharing these portraits, because right now this is where I am finding my light, and maybe, just maybe they spark something in someone else as well.